Good morning dad. It's been twelve years since the day you died, still I can't stop mourning you. Can't stop thinking about you. Can't stop thinking...Today I woke up feeling sad, desperate, empty. Lonely... So lonely, even though I woke in my man's arms. I could feel the hole in my heart, I could feel my soul trying to get out of my body and fly away. I can still feel it.
My chest and head is heavy. I have a picture in my mind; you and me sitting on the sofa, you were watching football on tv. You were bitting your nails. I told you not to do that, brings bad luck. You kiss me on my nose, in such an affectionate way. My eyes are filled with tears...
I remember us sitting on the balcony, watching the trains go by, like birds do in the sky. All I need is a pair of wings to fly to you. I remember your smell, I can still smell you sometimes, makes me feel you are close. Sometimes I sit alone on the balcony, light a candle, and write to you. I look up the sky, wondering where you are, if you can see me, if you can feel how much I still miss you, if you can feel my love for you. Wondering if you can see how my heart aches whenever I get reminded I can never see you again. Late at night, when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you, and I wish on a star that somewhere you are missing me too... Can you feel me? Do you miss me? Do you still love me, after seeing how useless and alone I am without you? Do you still love me, despite my weaknesses?
I want to come to your grave and bring you flowers, but it never makes me feel better. It only reminds me that no matter where I go, I still can't find you. Still can't hug you. I am trying to remember if I ever told you that I love you, I can't remember. Did you know that before you flew away? Did you know how much I need you to be whole? 'Cause I didn't. Now I know.
Certain people touch your heart and you can't stop thinking about them. That's the kind of person you are. Absent, yet so near, simple, yet worth remembering always. What makes some people so important and so much dearer to us is not just the hapiness that we feel when we have them in our lives, but the pain we feel when we miss them.
Love is stronger than death, even though it can't stop death from happening. But no matter how hard death tries, it can't kill the love a person feels for another. It can't take away my memories either.
Someone asked me if I miss you. I didn't answer. I just closed my eyes and walked away. And whispered " So much...".
I miss your voice. I miss your smile. I miss your beautiful eyes. It is there every morning I wake up and never goes away when I fall asleep. You keep haunting my dreams. I will always love you and I will never forget you. Always carrying you with me in my heart, wherever I go. Always...
Missing you.
Love, your daughter.
No comments:
Post a Comment